Isolated and alone is the only way I can describe how I felt when I first experienced my hair falling out.

When no one around you is going through the same thing, you don’t think anyone can truly understand your fears. From finding my first bald patch aged 13 I spent YEARS hiding my hair loss, locking myself away in my house, not having the strength to truly confide in anyone about my feelings, even losing friends. I taught myself my GCSE curriculum in my bedroom so I didn’t have to face the stares and whispers at school or being known as ‘the girl who wears a wig’. Fast forward to 28 years old and having openly spoke about my journey online for six months now, I wanted to share my story with anyone who might be suffering in silence and to tell you that speaking out was the best thing I ever did.

It’s 2009 and my mum has taken me to the hairdressers. I’m so excited because I’m currently obsessed with cutting my hair into a bob (it was the Victoria Beckham short hair era, if you know you know). My hairdresser tells me that she can’t cut my hair too short this time because I have a small bald patch at the nape of my neck. I’m shocked. I had no idea that I had a bald patch. What does that mean? Am I sick? A short time after my mum took me to my GP and after months of topical steroid creams and no improvement, I was referred to a dermatologist who officially diagnosed me with alopecia areata. 

I was devastated. Nobody wants to lose their hair, especially not a teenage girl. Over the next three years I lost almost 70% of my hair. A knitted bobble hat was glued to my head and I knew that to feel the slightest bit normal I had to explore the world of wigs. I wore a medium length human hair wig with a fringe (because back then the hair line was giving anything but natural) but I was never 100% comfortable and always carried anxiety and paranoia with me wherever I went.

I missed out on so much. School trips, sleepovers, swimming at the beach with my friends, parties, teenage boyfriends. All because I didn’t have the knowledge or power to deal with my hair loss in a way that didn’t limit my life.

After four years of varied treatment through the NHS, I finally had enough hair to ditch the wig and went on to live with the odd bald patch on the underside of my hair for 10 whole years. I was so grateful. With that hair came freedom and I went to university 200 miles away from the comfort of my parents, got my first, second and third big girl job. Made new friends, dated and met my boyfriend. 

Two years ago, I noticed more and more bald patches appearing and I knew it was happening again. In February this year my worst nightmare came true, when a small bald patch appeared on the top of my head. In that moment I knew I couldn’t hide it anymore and I had to make a choice. To be open or hide away. In that moment I opened up my TikTok account and drafted a post, introducing myself and my condition and decided that I was going to share my experience online from that moment on. It was like a ‘two birds one stone’ moment x1000 where I could openly admit to suffering with hair loss to friends, family, colleagues and strangers with a simple post. I was free.

I’ve now lost more hair than ever before. I’ve explored hats, head scarves, synthetic wigs, human hair wigs. My boyfriend recently shaved off my remaining strands of hair so now my head is practically bald. Hair loss for the second time around was no easier, but I learned to talk. Talk about how I was feeling, good or bad. Learned that I don’t have to love myself every day and that’s ok. I haven’t totally accepted my hair loss and I don’t think I ever will. But what is important to know is that you are more than hair and that’s where your confidence will grow once again.